How To Kick Father Time In The Balls
“It’s not the years honey, it’s the mileage…” ~ Indiana Jones
This post isn’t just for the golden oldies… These five points can also be applied to anyone who has actually lived something of an interesting life…
In all honesty, if you’ve made it to 30 with no stories or scars, no banged up joints or tattoos, never played contact sports or had any “OH F***!” moments, well, this post isn’t for you, and I don’t ever want to go for a drink with you, ever.
Now that’s all out in the open, we can move on.
If you want to kick Father Time in the balls, spend some time with a barbell and you’ll be able to kick him a whole lot harder. I won’t bore you by listing all of the benefits of strength training for older or injured populations - a quick google search will tell you that you will age better and live longer. Think about it: sensible training means greater strength and mobility, you’ll also have stronger bones and lower body fat, and a better quality of life for longer…
BUT!!! If you are old and / or beaten up, can you, or even should you still perform constantly varied functional movements at high intensity?
Absolutely.
Here’s how it’s done...
First of all, movement quality should always be the priority.
Performing thousands upon thousands of poor quality squats is just a terrible idea anyway, and especially so if your knees feel as old and as weathered as the Baltic Sea… At Blackbrook, it’s not what you do that counts, it’s how you do it.
This applies to everyone.
If the majority of your movement is badly executed, you’ll get really good at moving badly. Don’t sacrifice your health for a slightly better score that nobody cares about anyway. Slow it all down, focus on quality and mastery first… Metcons (WoDs) should be reserved only for movements you have mastered.
Secondly, functional movements should make up the bulk of your training.
These are the movements that keep you healthy and strong, moving freely, and most importantly, they help you avoid the nursing home for an awful lot longer...
For me, functional is whatever works - not necessarily what CrossFit HQ determines - and what works for Blackbrook are heavy [which is relative] carries, and pairing a compound movement with either mobility or ‘bulletproofing’… Helluva system we’ve got here... Helluva system… In this manner we can correct posture, reverse nagging joint issues, and create strong and pliable athletes with one sexy A.F. program… [As long as they perform it correctly, of course… Remember, it’s not what you do, it’s how you do it.]
This program is applied to everyone.
Thirdly, while you are never too old and never too beaten up to perform functional movements, you can be too old and beaten up to train them every day.
Therefore, the next piece of advice is to take a flexible approach to training... Interesting people are experienced people, and as such they should know when to take a rest day, know when to back off a little, know when to skip the WoD, and know when to strap in and light the f***ing fuse…
This applies to everyone.
Fourth, you should pay a little extra attention to what goes in your mouth... [#giggity]
- Want to look fresh faced and bushy tailed? Drink more water and consume some collagen.
- Want free and easy, well lubricated joints? Drink more water and consume some collagen.
- Want faster recovery and more gains? Drink more water and consume some collagen.
To be honest, it doesn’t matter how old you are or what state you’re in, just drink more water and consume some collagen… I take Marine Collagen - it’s from fish, so you know it’s good… [I used to eat jelly but people kept looking at me weird…] Basically, collagen will look after your connective tissue, get some elasticity back in the skin, and just generally keep you together a bit longer.
This applies to everyone.
Fifth, know that it is never too late to start.
Old dogs can be taught new tricks if they are willing to learn, and they usually are if those tricks can significantly improve their quality of life.
This applies to everyone. Never stop learning, and never stop trying.
To summarize:
These points apply to everyone who hasn’t lived like a veal calf for 30 years, which was kind of the point, I suppose... We can put the breaks on the aging process for anyone, in any state, at any age - it does not matter. We can train around and in most cases actually reverse injuries...
If you can use a toilet, you can squat - and if you can squat, we can get you stronger - and if you can get stronger, you have a map to the fountain of youth… A route towards lower blood pressure, increased bone density, lower body fat, and greater strength and mobility.
Why go gentle into that good night?
F*** that!
Strap yourself in, light the f***ing fuse, and kick Father Time in the balls.
~ Coach Collins
Copyright 2017
“It’s not the years honey, it’s the mileage…” ~ Indiana Jones
This post isn’t just for the golden oldies… These five points can also be applied to anyone who has actually lived something of an interesting life…
In all honesty, if you’ve made it to 30 with no stories or scars, no banged up joints or tattoos, never played contact sports or had any “OH F***!” moments, well, this post isn’t for you, and I don’t ever want to go for a drink with you, ever.
Now that’s all out in the open, we can move on.
If you want to kick Father Time in the balls, spend some time with a barbell and you’ll be able to kick him a whole lot harder. I won’t bore you by listing all of the benefits of strength training for older or injured populations - a quick google search will tell you that you will age better and live longer. Think about it: sensible training means greater strength and mobility, you’ll also have stronger bones and lower body fat, and a better quality of life for longer…
BUT!!! If you are old and / or beaten up, can you, or even should you still perform constantly varied functional movements at high intensity?
Absolutely.
Here’s how it’s done...
First of all, movement quality should always be the priority.
Performing thousands upon thousands of poor quality squats is just a terrible idea anyway, and especially so if your knees feel as old and as weathered as the Baltic Sea… At Blackbrook, it’s not what you do that counts, it’s how you do it.
This applies to everyone.
If the majority of your movement is badly executed, you’ll get really good at moving badly. Don’t sacrifice your health for a slightly better score that nobody cares about anyway. Slow it all down, focus on quality and mastery first… Metcons (WoDs) should be reserved only for movements you have mastered.
Secondly, functional movements should make up the bulk of your training.
These are the movements that keep you healthy and strong, moving freely, and most importantly, they help you avoid the nursing home for an awful lot longer...
For me, functional is whatever works - not necessarily what CrossFit HQ determines - and what works for Blackbrook are heavy [which is relative] carries, and pairing a compound movement with either mobility or ‘bulletproofing’… Helluva system we’ve got here... Helluva system… In this manner we can correct posture, reverse nagging joint issues, and create strong and pliable athletes with one sexy A.F. program… [As long as they perform it correctly, of course… Remember, it’s not what you do, it’s how you do it.]
This program is applied to everyone.
Thirdly, while you are never too old and never too beaten up to perform functional movements, you can be too old and beaten up to train them every day.
Therefore, the next piece of advice is to take a flexible approach to training... Interesting people are experienced people, and as such they should know when to take a rest day, know when to back off a little, know when to skip the WoD, and know when to strap in and light the f***ing fuse…
This applies to everyone.
Fourth, you should pay a little extra attention to what goes in your mouth... [#giggity]
- Want to look fresh faced and bushy tailed? Drink more water and consume some collagen.
- Want free and easy, well lubricated joints? Drink more water and consume some collagen.
- Want faster recovery and more gains? Drink more water and consume some collagen.
To be honest, it doesn’t matter how old you are or what state you’re in, just drink more water and consume some collagen… I take Marine Collagen - it’s from fish, so you know it’s good… [I used to eat jelly but people kept looking at me weird…] Basically, collagen will look after your connective tissue, get some elasticity back in the skin, and just generally keep you together a bit longer.
This applies to everyone.
Fifth, know that it is never too late to start.
Old dogs can be taught new tricks if they are willing to learn, and they usually are if those tricks can significantly improve their quality of life.
This applies to everyone. Never stop learning, and never stop trying.
To summarize:
These points apply to everyone who hasn’t lived like a veal calf for 30 years, which was kind of the point, I suppose... We can put the breaks on the aging process for anyone, in any state, at any age - it does not matter. We can train around and in most cases actually reverse injuries...
If you can use a toilet, you can squat - and if you can squat, we can get you stronger - and if you can get stronger, you have a map to the fountain of youth… A route towards lower blood pressure, increased bone density, lower body fat, and greater strength and mobility.
Why go gentle into that good night?
F*** that!
Strap yourself in, light the f***ing fuse, and kick Father Time in the balls.
~ Coach Collins
Copyright 2017
